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Talking to Your Partner about Sex

When it comes to talking about sex, how you approach the conversation is just as important as what you say during it. Here are a few things to keep in mind when you’re planning a frank discussion about sex.

 

Watch your timing. Make sure you’ve cleared the air of any outstanding (non-sex-related) issues, like your frustration over chores that’ve been left undone, the fact that you haven’t gotten to spend enough quality time together recently, or how you hate that your partner is always, always late for rendezvous. Once issues like these have been resolved, make sure that you’ve let go of lingering resentments or anger. The last thing you want to do is to mix up a conversation about sex with a back-and-forth over who left that huge stack of dirty dishes in the sink.

 

Then, identify an opportune moment for an intimate talk. Here’s when not to instigate a discussion about sex: right before your parents arrive for dinner, during an argument, or when you’re actually in the middle of having sex. Instead, choose a moment in which neither one of you are in a hurry, and when you’re both feeling relatively relaxed—perhaps when you’re cuddling, sharing a meal, or just chatting after a satisfying sex romp. Alternatively, think about setting aside some time each week (or every two weeks, or each month) to check in with your partner on how things are going—financially, emotionally, or erotically. “Taking the temperature” of a relationship in this way helps ensure that you’re both happy with things the way they are, and that you’re both comfortable with where you’re going. And it’s an ideal time to talk about your sexual desires and fantasies. Checking in with each other regularly prevents resentment from building up in either or both of you, and lets you voice your dissatisfaction before a major blow-up takes place.

 

Use these techniques to start

Begin by talking about yourself. How are you feeling in the moment? Name the emotions—such as awkwardness, fear, anxiety, excitement—that arise from bringing up a new topic, or from talking about your sex life at all. As you broach the topic, take responsibility for and talk about your own feelings and desires, limitations, and fears. Even if you are feeling erotically uninspired in this relationship, take ownership in the ways that you contribute to or enable this pattern. Nobody wants to feel blamed, so try not to focus solely on what’s wrong or on what isn’t working. Instead, open the discussion by telling your partner what you love about your sex life, since a positive approach will make her or him feel comfortable, open, and ready to pay close attention to what you’re saying.

 

A more playful (but no less informative!) way to kick off a discussion about sex is to play a communication game called Three Oranges and a Lemon (from my friend Nancy who taught me this years ago). In it, each person tells the other three things that they love about their erotic life together, plus one thing that they’d like to do differently. For example, you might say:

“I love that you like to surprise me with new toys and sexy clothes.”

“I love how you throw me up against the wall and kiss me deeply.”

“I love the way you give me oral sex until I come.”

“And I’d love to try bondage—on both of us,” or “And I’m interested in adding some variety to our repertoire, like sex toys,” or “I’m curious about prostate play”—whatever it is that you’d like to try.

 

Of course, sometimes we find ourselves too nervous to initiate conversations like these because we’re afraid of how our partners will interpret them. But a little prep work before the convo starts can go a long way. Sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko has developed a simple process for helping people organize their ideas and prepare what they want to articulate to their partners in a way that will encourage acceptance and understanding. Click here for his “Difficult Conversation Formula” for broaching difficult subjects.

Excerpt from Anal Sex Basics

For more communication suggestions or more information about enjoying anal pleasure, check out Carlyle Jansen’s Anal Sex Basics.

 

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Santa Forgot the Sex Toys! 15% off all Vibrators!

Boxing Week Sale on Sex Toys - 15% off all vibrators

Santa forgot the sex toys! Oh no!

Fear not – we’ve got you covered with our spectacular Boxing Week Sale!

December 27th – January 4th, enjoy 15%* off all vibrators in store and online using the coupon code BOXING15. Now is your chance to treat yourself to that pleasure item you’ve had your eye on. The sale applies to all our vibrator brands, including We-vibe, Lelo, JimmyJane, Rechargeable Hitachi Magic Wand , Doxy Wand, Fun Factory and more! If you’ve ever wanted to try remote-control vibrators or app vibrators – now is your chance to get them at a great price!

Looking for a new vibe but not sure where to start? We’re here to help! Check out Good For Her’s guide: Shopping For A Vibrator. Whether you’re shopping online or you prefer our brick-and-mortar in Toronto; we are happy to assist. Our staff is experienced and friendly, and can help you decide what vibe is right for you, whether it’s your first vibrator that you want to explore, or a new addition to your collection.


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Funtoys G-Vibe2 Rechargeable Silicone Vibrator $150  $128 with coupon code BOXING15

*15% discount applies to all vibrators in stock, including: battery operated and rechargeable vibrators, vibrating penis toys, vibrating prostate massagers, vibrating rings, and vibrating butt toys. Vibrators for every body! (Please note: the Boxing week sale 15% discount excludes products already on sale


Je Joue Mio Rechargeable Vibrating Ring $120 $102 with coupon code BOXING15


ADDITIONAL BONUS!

Huge bonus discount on a wide selection of feminist porn on DVD. Unbelievable deals! From $10 – $19. Ask Good For Her staff for details! Or check out our online Boxing Week SALE section here No coupon code required for these deals.  


Hugo by Lelo
Lelo Hugo Vibrating Prostate Massager $269 $229 with coupon code BOXING15
Image result for we-vibe rave
We-Vibe Rave Rechargeable G-spot Vibrator $142 $121 with coupon code BOXING15

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15% off Luxury Toys Sure to Please: A Holiday Gift Guide

This holiday season, check out our list of pleasure items sure to delight, inspire and stoke the fire!

Use coupon code Holiday15 for 15% off. Valid in store or online until Dec 24.

Check out this link for shipping times to your address.


lelo ina wave vibrator
Ina Wave by Lelo

Lelo Ina Wave Vibrator $269  $229 with coupon code Holiday15

Designed to work like fingers caressing a g-spot, this dual stimulation vibe offers new levels of pleasure! It can be used externally, and also internally, giving you the intensity of a pulsing vibrator while penetrating you with its smooth curves. Your G-spot has never had it so good.


Loki Wave by Lelo
Loki Wave by Lelo

Lelo Loki Wave Vibrating Prostate Massager $279  $238 with coupon code Holiday15

Loki Wave features a unique “come hither” motion – the first of its kind in a prostate toy!  It literally moves back and forth while you just lay back and enjoy. Powerful dual-motors deliver a variety of sensations from mild to intense.  Loki Wave is the ultimate toy for someone who’s got it all!


Rechargeable Magic Wand vibrator - formerly known as the Hitachi Magic Wand

Magic Wand Rechargeable $170  $145 with coupon code Holiday15

The classic Magic Wand just got even better! Now you can roam farther with your Rechargeable Magic Wand and play it at different speeds: 4 power intensities and 4 vibration patterns. It takes 3 hours to charge for 3 hours of play. Now you can start out at a lower intensity if you prefer!


Hugo by Lelo
Hugo by Lelo

Lelo Hugo Vibrating Prostate Massager $269  $229 with coupon code Holiday15

Hugo by Lelo is a remote-controlled prostate massager that elegantly elevates  sexual pleasure and offers new and exciting ways to play. Wonderful to use for solo or coupled play!


Pro_perspektive_rose
Womanizer Pro

Womanizer Pro $279  $238 with coupon code Holiday15

The Womanizer Pro in an upgraded version of the original Womanizer that has received universal acclaim and rave reviews.  The toy delivers amazing clitoral stimulation through a combination of vibration and suction.  The silicone nub is placed around the clitoris to create a seal and the pleasure escalates at a rapid pace. A fabulous pleasure alternative to regular vibrators.


We-Vibe Sync Vibrator at Good For Her
We-Vibe Sync

We-Vibe Sync $237  $202 with coupon code Holiday15

The Original We-Vibe keeps getting better! Designed to be worn during intercourse, the vibrations stimulate the clitoris and G-spot all while also feeling pleasure of thrusting. The We-Vibe Sync now is adjustable to fit any body size and shape to better stimulate the right spots and to stay in place.


Jimmyjane Form 2 Vibrator
Form 2 by Jimmyjane

Form 2 $170  $145 with coupon code Holiday15

This sweet, bunny-shaped toy has a separate motor in each of its flexible ears for the ultimate in external stimulation.  If you enjoy intense clitoral stimulation, it has the most powerful dual motored buzz on the market! You can place the ears on either side of the clitoris and squeeze them together or simply relax and enjoy one of the 4 vibration functions.


 

 

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Math Magazine – A Progressive Porn Quarterly

Looking for some interesting smut in magazine format? Math Magazine is what you’ve been waiting for! An independent porn
quarterly for open-minded adults. 


Headquartered in Brooklyn and made in collaboration with editors and contributors all over the world, Math Magazine illustrates new perspectives on lust, love, and sex.

From vintage films and Instagram feeds to modern art and cam sites, this new magazine includes written and photographic erotic explorations.  With a passion for re-envisioning porn through depictions of desires that are often sought but rarely seen, Math Magazine celebrates desire and sex with a special attention to quality, narrative, playfulness, nuance, passion, and variety. Math Magazine maintains a dedication to highlighting an array of genders, an assortment of bodies, and a bouquet of beauty types in every issue.

Math Magazine is passionate about finding new sexual narratives and highlighting desires and bodies too often neglected in mainstream media. As an independent, female owned business dedicated to the production of ethical, diverse, and sex–positive media,  each issue is designed to eradicate shame and encourage readers to experiment, explore, and learn about different desires.

With its discreet yet distinguished red cover, you can take your progressive porn with you anywhere without raiding eyebrows- except friendly eyebrows of those who also know what Math is really about.

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Black Friday Week!

If you’ve been waiting for a good time to indulge, the moment is here!

We are having a Black Friday sale on lots of  items from Thursday November 24- Thursday December 1st.

Check them all out here!

All We-Vibe toys are on sale:sync-purple-w-iphone-800

We-Vibe Sync: $199

We-Vibe 4Plus: $169

We-Vibe 4 App only: $125

We-Vibe Tango: $79

We-Vibe Touch: $103

We-Vibe Rave: $ 119

We-Vibe Nova: $151

LELO:

Gigi 2lelo mia: $149

Ina 2:  $175

Mia: $95

Luna Beads: $59

Luna Beads Noir: $45

NJoy :  Pure Wand $105 as well as the Pure Plugs   Hot Octopuss Pulse Rechargeable Vibrating Sleeve

Tantus Rumble: $99 and  the first 5 orders to get a free attachment!

The Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo, JeJoue Mio and Come Together penis rings

Want to come in under 3 minutes? The Womanizer will get you there at the price of $199!

xconfessions 2

 

Looking for something sexy to watch? Erika Lust’s first films are on super special:

Five Hot Stories for Her, Life, Love Lust, XConfessions 1,2,3 or get a combo pack!

Stop by to see all of these items live and a few other ins-store only specials such as lingerie, DVDs and glass toys.

 

 

Mio.jpg       lelo luna beads   lelo ina purpble

 

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The Buck-Off FTM Stroker Has Arrived!

Perfect Fit Buck-Off

The Buck-Off FTM Stroker is the first sleeve made especially for trans guys by a trans man. Designed by trans advocate and porn star Buck Angel , this sleeve is fabulous for solo play or partner pleasure. A hand job has never been the same! Its ridges on the inside offer extra fabulous sensations on a penis/ clit/ innie. Its form-fitting closed end  creates suction. Add a little lube and it feels divine.

Works best for people who are on testosterone or who have larger genitals.

 

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Closer by Sarah Barmak

Closer: Notes from the Orgasmic Frontier of Female Sexuality by Sarah Barmak

Sarah Barmak attended a Learning to Orgasm workshop here at Good For Her. Over the course of 3 years, she also attended an Orgasmic Meditation demonstration and recruitment meeting, received an erotic massage, and went to Burning Man in Nevada. She read Peggy Orenstein’s book (Girls and Sex), spoke with sex coaches and average people, did lots of self-reflection and made observations on women being told that they are oversexed and that their sexuality is “not normal” ie not like men’s. She discovered that women were treating sex often like a performance, wondering if they were doing it “right” rather than a journey with many possible destinations.  In the end she discovered that “a lot of ordinary women have a bad time in bed.”

Come to a reading and Q & A facilitated by Carlyle Jansen on Sarah’s process and learning through her research. Hear what history has learned and then forgotten about women’s anatomy and pleasure. Ask Sarah what she found most surprising, interesting, sad or inspiring on her journey. Listen to her advice on finding more pleasure in your life and changing your relationship to sex- not in a how-to kind of way, but rather in a big-sister style of gentle overall advice. A fun, sexy and free night out!

We look forward to seeing you at Good For Her on Wednesday, September 21st at 7:00 pm – 8:30 pm.

Learn more about the event details here.

Purchase a copy of Closer by Sarah Barmak here.

 

 

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Anal Sex with Carlyle Jansen featured on VICE

Check out the video and article on pleasurable anal sex by Vice.

Carlyle Jansen, author of Anal Sex Basics answers questions such as

Is anal sex overrated?

What’s the number one myth about anal sex?

Isn’t it always painful?

Is there a difference in sensation for different genders?

What’s the biggest mistake that anal beginners make?

Where should beginners start?

Is there always poop when playing with the butt?

Is there a downside to anal sex?

Will it stretch out if you do too much?

What are you missing if you don’t try anal sex?

And get more info on anal sex from our YouTube video on warming up to anal sex and penetrative anal sex .

Learn more about  purchasing a butt toy.

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A Conversation with Amy Rose Spiegel about her book Action

Carlyle Jansen sat down for an interview with Amy Rose Spiegel about her life and her book Action.

Here is their conversation.

Carlyle: I really loved your statement in the introduction:  “Be loving in a new way. Love like you did not know how to love before. “Tell me more about what that means to you.

Amy Rose: Loving in a way you have not before is tied to consent, regardless of how long been with a partner. When you approach sex with fixed set of ideas, it can be limiting in terms of what you enjoy and think of self- gratifying; what you are capable of and who you are capable of being. It is about waking up every day and not thinking “This is the way it is going to go”. It is about allowing yourself to have different experiences.

Carlyle: After being in non-monogamous relationships with folks of all genders, you stated in the book that you are now in a heterosexual, monogamous relationship. What do you enjoy about being in a monogamous committed relationship?

Amy Rose: It was an adjustment mentally. Rather than assuming that sex would get boring, it is about  accepting that monogamous sex can be as deep and great. It takes more frankness. We have to really communicate deeply and do a lot of talking, which serves sex really well.  We have to be honest and frank and be reciprocal, which has been really gratifying. The conversations been different than in poly relationships because of the different boundaries and other aspects to negotiate in poly connections. Monogamous boundaries are somewhat fixed- you don’t have to renegotiate always, so you can really apply the conversations to other areas of the relationship, such as more emphasis on the acts themselves.

Carlyle: What advice would you give to someone who might want to open up their relationship?

Amy Rose: Don’t come to it like it is a big earth shaking issue and that it is something that your partner is going to freak out about. Come to it as a suggestion casually.  Explain your desires. Don’t frame it in terms of specific people you want to connect with.  Express in a broad way. State that you want to open up for “xy” reason rather than want to date a specific person.

Don’t anticipate your partner’s reaction. It takes a lot of dialogue. And don’t rush it before you do it.

Carlyle: In the book you mention your distaste of the word “sex-positive”. Can you explain more about that?

Amy Rose: The term has been useful and positive for some communities . The problem with the term sex positive is that it is exclusionary to those who have not been a part of the dialogue. Implicit is that if you are having sex and it doesn’t have terminology, you are not doing it right and thus sex negative. But really if you are being respectful and kind then the sex is ok!

Carlyle: Your book does not follow a how-to format and is not really a memoir. How would you describe it?

Amy Rose: The book is a mishmash. It is a messy book because sex is a messy thing, I wanted to write about what my experience has been so that people can feel that they can trust me. There is so much we take for granted that we think that people know. I like to break things down to bare and simple concepts, so as to not leave anyone behind and not assume what people already know.

Don’t isolate sex from the rest of life at large.

Carlyle: Do you think that teenagers would benefit from reading your book?

Amy Rose: Teenagers are reason for the book. I worked with teens at Rookie. In general we don’t talk to teens outside of safety precautions.  Many questions I heard were based on sexual anxiety. They were often coming from wellspring of internal kindness, such as “How do I know if I am doing it right for someone?” I hope that young readers are able to see that there is no such thing as doing it wrong as long as you are listening and being kind. There is no point in trying to live up to something.  There is no such thing as being bad at something as long as you have a curious heart.

The book is suggestive. It says:  “here are some things you could do, try them out if you like and add variations. Here are ways that some people have done it. “

Often teenagers ask:  “ Is it ok if…”,  looking for permission to like or desire or feel certain ways when  asking for advice. I always say that whatever you like is ok and doesn’t have to mean anything about you. They often need reassurance. They are always brave to ask for it, which often means that it has been disallowed. But it gives them options to consider- even if they never do it.

Carlyle: You use the word “Kindness” a lot. Can you elaborate on what that means to you?

Amy Rose: I mean to be kind to self and others:  not giving yourself a fixed way of being, allowing for the messy humanity of self and another’s body, not expecting to hit a certain bar or else it is necessarily bad sex, but rather allowing yourself to learn about another person and yourself. It is about not allowing yourself to try to fit into a weird cast.

Carlyle: How do you advise folks to not get caught up sex Olympics of what they can and cannot do (such as squirting or female ejaculation)  and how that measure up?

Amy Rose:  When you have a fixed goal of what a good lover is, you usually fail to reach it. Sex is not a goal to reach. And pressure is not useful to sex unless that is fun for you. If you pursue a goal you likely won’t reach it and you also won’t have fun along the way.

There are so many more options and so focusing on a specific goal means that you are cheating yourself and your partner from all those options. Squirting is fun to explore but should not be the singular focus. You’ll have a way better time if you experiment and decide that you will be ok whether squirting happens or not.

Carlyle: Tell me more about what consent means to you. For example when someone wants to stop the action to put on a condom.

Amy Rose: Consent means that you stay calm. If reaching for a condom feels like an interruption, treat it instead as a part of sex and an exciting part of the process. This way it becomes less intimidating. When you treat it that way- it becomes the norm- a sexy norm- which takes the stigma or fear out of it.

Putting on a condom is not the intermission- rather it is part of performance. It is as natural as any other part of arousal. It can be sexy. It thus becomes a natural part of communication, and even can be something great.

Carlyle: What would you suggest to someone who is afraid of rejection?

Amy Rose: If people don’t ask for consent because they are afraid of rejection, then they are not allowing their partner to have autonomous feelings. Rejection is not about you, it is about the other person.  If a partner is not into it this time, it does not mean that what you are doing or requesting is untoward or shameful.

Carlyle: What do you advise women who are nervous to initiate asking?

Amy Rose:  Assuming that the other person has to initiate every time is not really being fair. When we assume that a man has to ask, we are making assumptions. I have been with male partners who had experienced trauma.  I had to learn by getting it wrong, which changed my experience. But it has improved my sex life vastly to talk with male partners about it. It can be a kind way to approach a partner and it has blown minds of my male straight partners.

Carlyle: Do you have any final thoughts to share?

Amy Rose: Be kind and you can’t go wrong- you won’t make a mistake- you will just learn more about yourself and about the world.

I also want to be clear that part of sexuality is also not wanting to have sex. You don’t have to be “practicing” to be a sexual person, just like you can be in a straight relationship and still be queer.  Whatever you decide is a great thing.

Fucking up is how you go pro- you are going to make mistakes in all areas of life- it does not make it wrong- no one is going to come to sex with a perfect approach- we all still make mistakes- be respectful and kind–  you are just a living breathing person having experiences.

 

 

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Ten Tips to (even more) Pleasurable Anal Sex

There is no right or wrong choice when it comes to choosing your path to anal pleasure. You get to decide what you want to do and how far you want to go and when you want to stop. Wherever your adventures take you, please remember the following:

  1. Slow it down: Almost everyone who shared their experiences with me emphasized the need to slow down whatever you are doing to be able to feel, listen and enjoy the process.
  2. Consider your goals: For most of us, a primary goal of sex is pleasure. If you manage to accomplish taking in a penis/ outie, specific toy or number of fingers,good for you! But hopefully that’s not at the expense of pleasure, however you define it. Don’t concern yourself with what others can do or enjoy. There is no point in trying to compete with your peers.
  3.  Lube! For pleasure and safety, use lots of it. And then add some more. Try a few brands until you find your favorite.
  4. Start on the outside: If you plan on going inside, don’t cheat the external nerve endings of your anus out of their own pleasure. Give them some attention too to warm you up- or just because it feels great.
  5. Listen to your butt: It is smarter than you think. Don’t try to force it to do anything it doesn’t want to do or it will backfire. Pay attention to any pain, uncertainty or limits that you reach to prevent tearing or harm to your body. Don’t try to mask what your butt is saying with desensitisers.  Exert patience and practice your technique to expand those limits if you wish, but don’t forget that you’ll need your butt’s cooperation. ‎
  6. Communicate your desires: Don’t be shy to speak up about what you like and what you would prefer. There are no rights or wrongs when it comes to desire and pleasure, and no shame in asking for what you want, whether it be to go, stop or change. Try to make sure you get exactly what you want!
  7. Play safe: For each activity you choose, know its risks, no matter what kind of relationship you practice. From prep to aftercare, plan out your adventure possibilities and start with the information and supplies you need to make it the best and safest possible.
  8. Invest in proper toys: Always use toys with a flared base. Ask anyone who has worked in a hospital emergency ward about items retrieved from butts. The anal sphincters rarely work perfectly afterward.
  9. Stick Around: Especially if you played internally, give your body time to respond to the stimulation.. Until you have experience with how your body reacts to butt play, it’s prudent to stay close to a bathroom.
  10. Be good to your butt: It is important to treat your butt well when you are not having sex, too. Eat well and adjust your diet if you are constipated. Don’t put off your BMs if you can help it. Attend to hemorrhoids and other health concerns. You and your butt are partners for a lifetime!

From Carlyle Jansen’s book Anal Sex Basics: The Beginner’s Guide to Maximizing Anal Pleasure for Every Body

Want to learn more? Come to a book launch for the book Anal Sex Basics to celebrate and learn some more tips!

Monday August 15th 7:30 pm at the Lansdowne Brewery. Details here.

 

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What is a rimming plug?

Rimming is a term for oral- anal pleasure. Whether you enjoy penetrative anal sex or not, rimming is a delightful pleasure to receive.  Some only do it after a shower, others use dental dams for safer sex, but overall those who indulge, love it. But there is one problem: unless you are a skilled yogi, you can’t do it for YOURSELF.

Enter the b-Vibe Rimming Butt Plug. Offering a pleasure slightly different than standard rimming, it not only stimulates the anus on the outside, it also tantalizes the sensitive nerve endings on the inside along the anal canal. This canal is the area with the most nerve endings and arguably the greatest amount of pleasure (other than the prostate/ perineal sponge).  The b-Vibe contains rotating beads that tease the anal canal, giving exquisite sensations. Equipped with a remote, you can change the settings easily when the base is temporarily  inaccessible (such as when sitting on your butt or when out in public). With a button also on the base, the different settings include rotations but also vibrations in the tip, vibrating the whole toy. Vibrations can carry through to the prostate, perineal sponge or even the vagina, especially when something is also inserted next door there. And it is rechargeable!

Unfortunately, the only drawback is that the b-Vibe is not for newbies. If you are new to anal sex, wait to indulge in this toy until you can work your way up to several fingers, an average penis or Woody– sized toy or a Pleasure Plug 4. While the vibrations and smooth, seamless silicone can be used to warm up the butt to its gradual  1  5/8″ width, the pleasure is better for those who already enjoy penetration with some girth.

See more images and video on the b-Vibe here.

 

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We’re Looking for a Manager!

Are you self-motivated and wanting to work in a socially progressive environment?

Interested in making a difference in people’s sex lives?

Looking for challenging, interesting and rewarding employment?

We’re looking for a full time manager to oversee daily operations at Good For Her.   This position entails marketing, coordinating, overseeing the store, website management, content writing, event promotion.    We also offer a competitive wage, full benefits and a collaborative and progressive working environment. Experience in sexual health/education/activism or sex work in a managerial/organizational role is an asset.

Candidates must also be self-motivated, organized,  committed to anti-oppression and feminist principles and willing to work a flexible schedule. Must be available Mon-Fri until 7pm and occasional weekends.

Good For Her is strongly committed to diversity within its community and especially welcomes applications from people of colour, trans folks, black and indigenous people, and others who may contribute to the further diversification of ideas, and ask that applicants self-identify on their applications.

Stop by with resume and cover letter to 175 Harbord St. by  June 14th. Full job description here.

We thank individuals for applying, however, only applicants invited for interview will have their applications acknowledged.

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May is Masturbation Month: Celebrate Yourself!

Masturbation is still a taboo activity for many, waiting to come out of the closet. Now embraced by the medical community and even many religious communities, many of us still carry shame or confusion by our parent’s negative words or absence of words about the topic. Popular culture has also derided solo sex as a lesser form of sexual expression. Let’s ditch the negative messages and raise solo pleasure to the  positive status it deserves!

 

  1. Solo Sex is Natural

Studies show that 95 % of men and 89 % of report having done at least once (and perhaps the rest are lying). Scientists have observed many animal species using their own body parts or other objects for solo pleasure. Most children innocently discover solo pleasure quite early on.  It is a natural, common and healthy sexual form of expression; let’s accept it.

 

  1. Masturbation is Real Sex

Some even prefer it to partner-sex, with no reciprocation or communication required. It works really well when no partner is available to play with.  Many studies have noted that the more someone masturbates, the more they are also likely to engage in partner-sex, not less.  Solo sex is not cheating; it is merely a solitary sexual activity.  In fact, many find that their solo pleasure enhances their partner play.

 

  1. Solo Sex is Not Just for Singles

Partnered and single folks all masturbate. According to one study, 45% of women and 85% of men living with a partner still  also enjoyed solo pleasure. Masturbation is thus an equal opportunity activity!

 

  1. Masturbation Boosts your Immune System, Helps Prevent Cervical Infections

Research shows that people who have any kind of sex once or twice a week have higher levels of Immunoglobulin A  (an antibody that fights infection) than those who have less frequent sex. And any type of arousal for women  clears out and replenishes cervical mucous, thereby decreasing infections.

 

  1. Decreases Stress Levels, Combats High Blood Pressure and Lowers the Risk of Type-2 Diabetes

All types of sex are great for stress relief.  Solo sex has even greater benefits as it is less complicated and has less external factors that can go wrong than in partnersex. Studies find that those who masturbated recently had lower blood pressure compared to those who had had no sexual activity. And women who indulge in frequent orgasms have a greater resistance to coronary heart disease and type-2 diabetes.

 

  1. Combats Menstrual Pain , Reduces Chronic Back Pain and Migraines

Many studies have proven that orgasm can block or reduce different kinds of pain.  Orgasm releases a hormone that doubles one’s natural pain threshold for menstrual cramps, arthritic, chronic back and leg pain. Orgasm is also  an effective -and popular- remedy for 60% of those who suffer from migraines.

 

  1. Stimulates your Brain

Sex of any kind is good for the brain: it seems to generate new brain cells,  so the more you do it, the smarter you’ll be! There is also evidence that older people who are sexually active are less likely to develop  dementia. Masturbation is beneficial throughout your lifespan!

 

  1. Increases Pelvic Floor Strength for Better Sex and Less Incontinence

Pelvic floor health is important for everyone, not just for those who have had babies. Strengthening your pelvic floor through sexual activity not only produces better orgasms, but it also keeps the bladder and internal organs in place, reducing incontinence and prolapse (where the internal organs drop out of place). Solo play also directs blood flow to the pelvic region which improves the elasticity and reduces pain for the vagina, especially after menopause.  Masturbation each day keeps the doctor away!

 

  1. Increases Sexual Confidence and Overall Self-esteem

Studies show that the more frequently a woman masturbates, the better her body image and the more likely she is to orgasm whether on her own or with a partner. Solo play is also a good way for those with erectile challenges to learn how to maintain an erection. And the better you know your body, the better you will be able to communicate your pleasures to a partner. One study where women followed a masturbation program revealed that 90% of women were thus able to learn to orgasm, and 85% of them even learned how to orgasm through intercourse!

 

  1. Solo Sex Feels Great!

Masturbation is a great way to release tension, get a little exercise, leave the day behind, fall asleep, escape into the present and do healthy things for your body. And you don’t need a gym membership, negotiation or even have to leave the house. And most people enjoy solo pleasure much more than a workout.

 

Find out more benefits and how to make solo sex even more fun by reading Sex Yourself.

sex yourself

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We’re Hiring!

Join the Good For Her team! Make a difference in people’s sex lives!

We are looking for a Part-Time Customer Service Representative our fun, collaborative and socially progressive sex shop and workshop centre.

Candidates must be customer service oriented, reliable, computer literate and experienced in sexual health education/activism.

Must be available for Saturdays (11am-6pm) and occasional weekday shifts (11am-7pm).

Good For Her is strongly committed to diversity within its community and especially welcomes applications from people of colour, trans folks, black and indigenous people, and others who may contribute to the further diversification of ideas, and ask that applicants self-identify on their applications.

We regret that Good for Her is not fully accessible.

Interested? Awesome! Stop by with a resume and cover letter to 175 Harbord St. by May 2nd at noon.

We thank individuals for applying, however, only applicants invited for an interview will have their applications acknowledged.

 

Job Description

Good For Her Customer Service Representative

Customer Service:

  • Provides service to customers that is warm, friendly, respectful, professional, sensitive, informative and relevant
  • Sells products according to the needs of customers
  • Incorporates an anti-oppression perspective into day-to-day work. Has awareness and knowledge about issues and experiences of racism, sexual abuse, violence, homophobia, transphobia and other forms of oppression
  • Develops and maintains a comprehensive knowledge of products
  • Has knowledge of resources and events and makes customer referrals
  • Maintains tidiness and cleanliness of the store
  • Completes all necessary daily tasks as set out in daily task sheet
  • Answers the telephone and responds to e-mails in a professional manner
  • Promptly and accurately receives and fills phone orders for products and workshops
  • Reconciles daily sales and ensures that sales totals balance.
  • Accurately receives deliveries, inputs them into the computer and prices products
  • Other duties as assigned weekly or irregularly

 

Works as a Team:

  • Abides by the policies and procedures of Good For Her
  • Appreciates own strengths and challenges and pursues self improvement
  • Seeks and accepts personal responsibility
  • Shares information with other staff about procedures, products and customers
  • Attends and participates actively in staff meetings
  • Works cooperatively with other staff and shares the workload
  • Communicates clearly and respectfully within the team
  • Uses supervision effectively, seeking input or direction when needed
  • Is punctual for start times at work and after breaks
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One Button or Two: Does It Make a Difference?

One of the great functions of a vibrator is its buttons. Some have a dial from low to high, others have a push button with discrete settings such as low, medium and high or up to 10 power settings, and more and more toys also now have pulse functions as well (rhythms like the morse code of on and off such as “short, short, long”, repeated).

One underappreciated feature in vibrators however is the presence of TWO buttons. Why might you want two? One for up and the other for down. If you have ever taken a vibrator to a higher speed and then realized that it was too much, you know why you want a down button! You might on occasion find yourself with too much of a buzz and want to be able to tame the vibe back down to a speed that agrees more with your sensitive bits. Because sensitive bits don’t generally like to be over-stimulated. So if you are debating between two awesome toys and which one might be the best for you, a one vs. two button option might be the consideration to tip the scale in the right direction for you. (And if not, feel free to drop by to have a look and feel with your hands, or call or email while you are looking online.) Because it can be really frustrating to push the button several times until you achieve your desired speed, only to realize too late that you’ve gone one too far. You then have to go all the way through to the last function at the end and start back at the beginning again, counting the number of pushes (slightly distracting from the sexiness of the situation) until you hit just the right setting- which sometimes takes more than one try… A second button can mean that missing the right settling is only one button press away rather than eight. And it reduces the frustration of not getting exactly what you want when you want it. Because frustration rarely leads to more arousal and pleasure in most people. Simply put, an extra button that takes you down the same way you got up is a beautiful thing.

And sometimes there are more than two buttons for added pulsations or as an  on/off button as the Fun Factory rechargeable line of toys has. Of course too much of a good thing can be simply too much. Most customers find that too many buttons or ones that are not intuitive becomes cumbersome and takes all of the fun and sexiness out of the experience.

Many vibrators with two motors have two buttons- but they each just control their own motor, which is great for control of separate parts but does not address the up and down option. So be sure before you buy!

So in case you are wondering, our two-or-more button faves include

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The Nova’s Brilliant Design

We-Vibe Nova

Dual stimulation toys are awesome. Who doesn’t love two-for-the-price-of-one? The Rabbit was the first style of dual toy, and then many rabbit-less dual branch options such as the Ina 2 arose as a simpler option without the twirling shaft and the tingly ears. The most common complaint about these toys though is that the smaller clitoral branch is not long enough to get to the right spot on the clit. The second most common complaint is that the internal shaft is too long and  bangs the cervix uncomfortably. We-Vibe has just solved both those issues in one swoop. As you can see with the picture, the Nova‘s branch curls up and around, making it longer and impossible to miss the clitoris. The flexibility also means it is easy to use a varied amount of pressure on the clit, which is great because some like a gentle tickling sensation and others prefer a jackhammer type of intensity. Whatever your preference, the Nova will deliver.

Secondly, the internal branch of the Nova is not very long, so that even while thrusting with abandon, the longer vaginal branch will stay clear of most cervixes. While some folks love stimulation in that area, most of us prefer to stay away from it, especially with firm toys. And you can angle the shaft forwards towards the G-spot for focused G-spot stimulation and still hit the clitoris. So the Nova offers cervical-free pleasure with guaranteed  clitoral intensity.

Finally, all We-Vibe toys now come with the We-Connect app, so you can control. the toy from across the room or around the world. The solo or partnered options are endless.

Get 10% off the Nova with coupon code Nova10.

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Say Hello to Loki Wave!

Loki Wave by Lelo

Prostate toys are all the rage! More and more people of all orientations and persuasions and their partners are becoming more open to prostate play. The Loki Wave is a new and innovative prostate toy. Using LELO technology, the two branches move towards each other, putting pressure on both the prostate on the inside and the perineum on the outside. Essentially it gives the classic “come here” motion that feels so great on the P-spot (or G-spot!). It is an easy, fabulous way to massage yourself or for a partner to assist you in playing with your butt. Great for people who don’t want to insert their fingers inside as you can simply hold the handle and let the toy do all the work. Also great for those who love the amazing sensations of the Njoy Pure Wand but  want added vibration on their erogenous zones.

The buttons take a little bit of advance play in order to get the correct functioning figured out (don’t want to push the wrong one when you are close to orgasm!) The Loki Wave has a generous girth- meaning that if you need to be comfortable with at least two fingers inserted before embarking on the Loki Wave adventure. But with plenty of warm-up and lubrication anyone can enjoy its fabulous sensations.

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For Those Who Want It All!

Bi Stronic Fusion by Fun Factory

Ready to have all you’ve ever wanted in a toy?  Clitoral vibrations, internal thrusting , G-spot intensity, and pleasure for the labia – then the Bi Stronic Fusion is for you! The innovative classic Fun Factory Stronic line, with its signature pulsing sensations just got even better. Use it solo for hands-free pleasure or ask someone to be a part of the action and give them the control. With 3 easy-to-use buttons, waterproof design and a travel lock, this rechargeable vibrator will take you to where you want to go!

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Holiday Gift Ideas for 2015

Looking for a gift that says “WOW” ?

Have a look at our top ten suggestions for the naughty and/or nice folks on your list. For clits, vaginas, wrists, penises, prostates and for your comfort or your viewing pleasure, there are plenty of decadent options that say WOW in so many ways. A gift for you, a special someone or both!

Womanizer2 (1)

The Womanizer: Despite its poor choice of name, this unique new toy delivers on the pleasure front! Consistent rave reviews have made the Womanizer a new must-have for many toy connoisseurs. Its gentle suction and vibration that surround the clitoris provide unforgettable orgasms. Hard to go wrong with the Womanizer.

Hot Octopuss Pulse Rechargeable Vibrating Sleeve

Hot Octopus Pulse: This “guybrator” is a fabulous choice for any penis: can be used whether erect or not, can be positioned to mimic intercourse when penetration is painful for the receiver, making it a fabulous choice solo or partnered. The Duo version has a remote for more vibration options as well as a softer part where the partner mounts for dual play.

 

Rechargeable Magic Wand vibrator - formerly known as the Hitachi Magic Wand

Magic Wand Rechargeable: Hard to beat the Cadillac, a.k.a. the Original Magic Wand, but this version does: More speeds (4 instead of 2) and pulsing options, a silicone head and no need to be attached to the wall- although if you run out of juice you can still keep going by plugging it in. Amazing vibrations for any vulva as well as the perineum, it is an awesome often-forgotten spot for pleasure especially for men.

liberator ramp blue

Liberator Ramp: Get into position for more pleasure and greater choices for play. The Ramp is a luxurious tool for enabling more sexy possibilities with comfort and ease (see this video for more info). Great for those who have back discomfort, disabilities, joint pain or just want to enjoy longer sex sessions without distraction. Decadence at its best.

 

We-Vibe Passionate Play Collection

The We-Vibe 4 enhances intercourse and the remote app allows the control to come from across the room or around the world, in private or while wearing it with underwear in public. The Tango is a powerful discreet and compact toy that can be used at the same or alternate times.

njoy pure wand

 

Pure Wand: You can’t miss the G-spot or P-spot (prostate) with this awesome toy! The firmness and angle fit anyone’s anatomy, with the choice of the smaller or larger size. Can be used with any kind of lubricant, warmed up or cooled off, this toy is indestructible for years of pleasure. Many a G-Spot has been discovered and many female ejaculators have been born using this toy!

Hugo by Lelo

Hugo or Bruno: Hello prostate and perineum. Two pleasures in one, and the Hugo as a remote that also vibrates anywhere you want to place it. This luxury LELO toy is sure to please the prostate lover in your life. LELO’s soft silicone means that it cleans nicely and can be alternatively used for G-spot and external play as well. A range of vibration and pulsing patterns means it can work for just about anyone!

lelo ina wave vibrator

Ina Wave: What happens when you add a wave to clitoral and G-spot play? The waving function of this toy means a little extra pressure on both the G-spot and the clitoris to transform awesome into amazing. The rhythmic movement comes the closest to mimicking the famous “come here” motion of a hand for G-spot play as well as a thumb on the clit at the same time. True pleasure.

 

Coach cuffs cu web

Aslan Coach Cuffs: Soft, decadent and sexy, these cuffs are the ultimate in sensual restraint. Soft enough for sensual play and tough enough for intense bondage sessions, these luxury cuffs will make anyone melt before they even get them on!

 

 

erika lust collectionErika Lust Set: Get ready for porn like you’ve never seen it before: beautiful and diverse sets, interesting and humorous storylines, playful and intense sex, realistic and passionate pleasure for all. Lust Films are popular especially among those who are not turned on by mainstream porn. These multiple Feminist Porn Award- winning titles give you something great to watch!

 

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Good Reasons to Masturbate (in case you need any…)

At the launch of Carlyle Jansen’s new book Sex Yourself, folks were encouraged to write their favorite reasons to engage in solo pleasure. If you are looking for any additional rationale as to why this is a worthwhile activity, here are a few:

  • stress
  • imaginary girlfriend
  • because Beyonce was playing and that girl can work it
  • no partner
  • trying to save money
  • just because
  • because it is a sin
  • cool imagination
  • to learn how to “edge” myself
  • an inspiring book
  • you need a reason?
  • because it’s handy (pun intended!)
  • because it is Sunday/ Monday/ Tuesday/ Wednesday/ Thursday/ Friday/ Saturday
  • generally feeling sexy
  • because of f*%# periods
  • to discover what really turns me on
  • because you can!
  • to connect with myself
  • self love
  • to be happy and healthy

And the winner of the We-Vibe 4 Plus was:

“You have been moving and painting and painting and painting and your partner is sore and tired”