Desensitization from Vibrators?
Question:
Can a lot of vibrator use make the clitoris less sensitive — especially when it's possible to achieve orgasm with the hand?
— Wendy
Answer:
Many people are concerned about desensitization through the use of vibrators. I prefer to use the word habituated. I find that there is a different way of getting to orgasm depending on whether it is a vibrator, a hand, a tongue or penetration that is used. After using a vibrator, we become habituated to that type of stimulation and response.
I discovered this when I was learning to orgasm. After having learned how to do it through a vibrator, I realized that my response had to be different in order to get there through oral stimulation. I think that what a lot of us do is we get used to a certain way of achieving orgasm through a vibrator, and then it feels less sensitive to other types of stimulation because we are doing it the same way, rather than a different way. What also has made a difference for me is to resist the temptation with a vibrator to go straight to orgasm. The intensiity on the clit is hard to imitate with other means. Moving around the vibe more and teasing myself through a longer build-up simulates more closely how I do it through other ways. It also makes for a more powerful orgasm because there is more erotic energy accumulated.
So when you use the vibe, treat yourself to a long, decadent tease. And when you want to go back to using your hand, try to remember how you did it before, not how you did it with a vibe. You should be better satisfied all-round.
Exploring Anal Sex
Question:
I'm turned on by the idea of having anal sex with my partner, but am afraid that it will hurt and I won't enjoy it. What do you suggest I do?
- Scaredy Butt
Answer:
Anal sex is usually assumed to be anal penetration by a penis. In addition, it can include finger or toy penetration, or external stimulation by hand, tongue, or other body part. No matter what you do, the key is to relax, which is easier said than done. Even if your head wants your butt to relax, your anal sphincter might not obey. I suggest that you start by lots of external stimulation (you might be surprised at how divine that alone feels) -- a good 20 minutes of butt massage is not too long.
If your partner needs inspiration on manual massage techniques, I highly recommend the "Rosebud Massage" video. It is great for showing you plenty of ways to entertain their hands and your butt. When you are relaxed enough for penetration, a finger might slip in relatively easily. I would encourage you to then keep playing with a finger or two and move it around instead of in and out. A penis is a relatively large object to insert to begin with, so you might want to start with a few fingers or a dildo first. Some people like using dildos in general. Other options include inserting a butt plug, such as the Little Flirt, a silicone plug, and leaving it in place. Placing a vibrator against the plug will add even more sensation.
One very important tip is to USE LOTS OF LUBE. Our butts do not have any natural lubrication, and lube will make anal play much more enjoyable. Do not use the "anal lubes" because they have a desensitizer in them that can be harmful.
Secondly, do not insert anything inside your butt that does not have a flared base. Vaginas have a limited length, but anuses don't, so it is harder to get anything out that is all the way.
Finally, do not use anything (finger, penis, dildo) in a vagina after it has been in the anus without cleaning it first or putting a new condom on it. This precaution will help you avoid a nasty vaginal or bladder infection!
These are basic guidelines, and there are many more that can make anal sex enjoyable. Check out the video "Exploring the Land Down Under" or the book The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women for more information.
Fantasies and talking dirty
Question:
We are a straight suburban middle aged couple, very straight/exclusive in practice. Fantasies and talk are another story, and that's where I have 2 questions:
First the fantasies: Her best fantasies are ones she never really verbalized, that are picked up from hints and reactions. I've "discovered" a couple of pretty standard ideas that seem to grab her nicely if she hears a little verbal scenario when it counts. But she has hinted that there's something in the idea of woman-to-woman that's interesting. So far, I've drawn a complete blank on "finding" it.
Sometimes a porn movie can help spot in interest, e.g. a chance to see her reactions. Unfortunately porn tends to be weak on the imaginative stuff, the seduction/resistance/surrender or temptation/approach/avoidance, and that's where I think the gold is. Can you recommend anything of the Bi or Lesbian genre that has REALLY quality seduction or extended temptation scenes of various types? Just for research you understand...
Words: Aside from the whole fantasy, just a dirty word at the right moment can work wonders. Words like "pussy", "slut" are hot for her at the right time, and some other standards turn her off, that's all fine. But getting into some details I'd like to, I find I don't have good words, no use sounding like the gynecologist. "Clit" does not have any kind of bad girl/bad boy feel to it for example. Where do I find some hot words for all those lovely details?!?
Thanks!
— Artie
Answer:
For your first question, Bound is a classic movie that is easily available and has some very hot scenes in it. Other standard videos that have good scenes are High Art and Wild Side. Unfortunately they all have some violence in the content of the movie, so she may not like that. The sex scenes between the women themselves do not have violence. One of our favourites is Hard Love/How to Fuck in High Heels, but it is not the soft and sensual type of flick. You may both surprise yourselves by how much she likes it. Another is Cynara, which women like for the more sensual side. I also really like Goodbye Emma Jo (unfortunately out of print) as a good erotic video. You could try "lesbian" videos in your local store, but they are usually made by men and/or for men and thus have a whole different quality. Try to find ones made by lesbians.
As for your second question, words can be so personal and vary depending on the context. Some of them are also being reclaimed by women and thus heard many times in a positive light start to sound better. Cunt is one such word that I hear more and more in a positive light. She may also like it to be called her sex. Many women like the word "Yoni" for a woman's genitals. It is a Sanskrit term used often in the Tantric tradition. Others use "sacred cave" or "temple". A fun exercise for you would be to brainstorm different words — good or bad — and ask her to circle them using two or three different colours that reflect which names she would like for different moods and fantasies. There may only be one or two that she likes. Ask her to use some of the words herself. I found that saying them took away the charge that I had associated with them. She may become more comfortable with a fuller vocabulary over time.
How can I impress this guy?
Question:
There's a guy I want to impress really bad as far as my sexual performance goes but I need some advice on how to make the sex great for him. Can you help me?
Answer:
My best advice is to get comfortable with your body and your sexuality. An enthusiastic lover is usually very welcome and impressive. Knowing what you want and communicating it to him is often a big turn on. Giving him positive feedback will get you far as well. If you want tips on specific techniques, have a look at the book "How to be a Great Lover" or the video "Fire on the Mountain: Male Genital Massage". Tell him you want to practice and ask if he would he be willing to help you as your personal trainer. Chances are he would be up for it at any time of the day. And he may be happy to reciprocate!
How do I give a blow job?
Question:
If I could get advice on giving a blow job. I'm just not quite sure what needs to be done and what makes a man feel best.
— blow job help
Answer:
This kind of advice is hard to give in words. What I have heard from men is that the most important thing is the blow job giver enjoy him/herself. There is nothing worse than someone making love to you in a way that you know they do not want to. So enthusiasm will get you far in and of itself. Beyond that, variety is a good thing — use your tongue, your hand, your lips, but not your teeth. Moans and groans will give both positive feedback as well as sensation to your partner. Move your hands and mouth in creative ways. If you need more help, check out the book How to Be a Great Lover. It has plenty of good suggestions for blow jobs and other sexual activities.
I can't be on top during sex
Question:
I'm 22 years old and have been sexually active since I was 15. But I've only been having regular sexual intercourse with my boyfriend for the past 3 years. My problem is that for what seems like forever, I cannot have sex while being on top. I seem to be unable to keep a steady rhythm and I don't seem to get much stimulation from this position. I've always wanted to master this position. I'd like to feel like I'm doing something and not like he's doing all the work. I feel as though my only "talent" is fellatio. Any suggestions?
Answer:
It can take some practice to get comfortable with being on top during intercourse. As for positioning, if you lean forward you will get your clit; leaning back will give you some G-Spot stimulation as long as you are pulling out against the head of the penis rather than just pushing in deeply. This style of activity can be hard on the thighs and most people have difficulty sustaining this position for very long periods of time. Try leaning against a bed-post or wall for support. Face him or face away from him. Using a pillow or two under your partner's butt will make it easier on your thighs and knees since you don't have to come down as far.
Start off slowly and speed up if you feel comfortable doing so. If you need a rest just grind against him and that way you will keep your self stimulated and him too. Try using a small vibrator, like the Fukuoku to add some stimulation to your clitoris. You can also try it while he is sitting on a chair and grabbing onto the back of the chair and putting your legs up or down. Most importantly, have fun. We all like different positions and activities depending on how our bodies fit together.
Is my vibrator is too strong for me?
Question:
I am 22 years old and married who has never ever experienced an orgasm. It has reached the point when it is affecting our relationship and my feeling of self esteem. I tried the water dancer vibrator and recently bought the magic wand. When using the wand I involuntarily contract every muscle in my body. Is that normal? Am I close to experiencing an orgasm? Or could that be a sign that the vibrator is too strong for me?
— New to Vibrations
Answer:
The contractions that you are experiencing are the surges of erotic sexual energy climaxing in your body. Try to relax and enjoy the sensations that you are feeling and release this energy so that it flows throughout your entire body. Breathe slowly and relax muscles with each out breath. Please refer to the tips in our reply to How can I make my orgasms last longer? and watch the video Celebrating Orgasm.
It sounds as if you are on your way to experiencing orgasm but you are holding the climax in instead of letting it out. Orgasm is largely about the building and releasing of sexual tension.
The contractions are your body's natural response to stimulus. The Magic Wand is a very intense and powerful vibrator, it can be too intense for some women. Make sure that you are not putting the power directly on your clitoris to begin. Build up the erotic energy gradually. You may want to try placing a towel or your hand between the wand and your body.
Books which may be helpful include: Becoming Orgasmic, How to have an Orgasm — As Often as You Want, and For Yourself. Please also keep in mind that it is not necessary to have an orgasm to enjoy sexual stimulation.
It may be helpful if you do not think of it as a goal to reach as this may make it more difficult to enjoy the sensations that you are feeling.
Lap Dancing 101
Question:
I promsised to give my boyfriend a lap dance, but i don't think i really know how to do it, can you help me?
Answer:
It is very difficult for me to describe how to lap dance without showing you. Let me tell you a few things that made it easier for me. Don't worry about doing it the right way — there is no right way. Get yourself relaxed and practice some different moves on an empty chair beforehand. When you are ready to show off, put on some sexy music, use lots of hips, eye contact, teasing and moving around. Show your partner just a little flesh and then hide it again. Don't be afraid to show your backside as well as front. Take off clothing slowly and seductively and throw it off. For a more visual demonstration, you could try looking at The Art of Seduction, a video on stripping. It combines lap dancing and stripping in a way that only thousands of words could describe. Have fun!
My boyfriend wants me to talk dirty during sex
Question:
My boyfriend likes I when I talk dirty during intercourse. Although I feel comfortable saying those things, I feel like I am becoming redundant. Where would I be able to locate "fresh" material? On line or through a seminar. Thanks.
Answer:
There are a few good resources out there that you may find useful. We carry two books on the topic of erotic talk: Talk Sexy to the One You Love (and drive each other wild in bed) by Barbara Keesling and The Fine Art of Erotic Talk by Bonnie Gabriel.
You may also want to talk to your partner, when not in the moment, about what he might like to hear or if either of you have any fantasies that you could play out together using erotic talk. You can negotiate what kinds of dirty talk he likes. Does he like to be called certain names? Does he want you to beg/ask/command him to fuck you? Does he want to hear how it feels for you? You can think about what words feel comfortable to you and which may be a stretch or off-limits. Although it may feel awkward at first, like many skills in life, practice makes perfect. And as you feel more comfortable, new phrases and things to say will come to you so that you do not feel redundant or repetitive. Chances are, he will not feel it is redundant. After all, we do not often think that kissing or penetration is redundant...
Two videos are also good illustrators of this skill. Hard Love/How to Fuck in High Heels and Sugar High Glitter City both have a lot of dirty talk. You can play it while you are having sex or just watch it to see how it feels. They are both dyke porn, which may not be your thing, but it is quite hot and you can always watch it with an intention of it being educational. And there is plenty of "cock talk" that might be appropriate for your purposes.
My husband wants to be dominated
Question:
My husband is into S&M and wants to be dominated. I don't know very much about this and would like to be a good dom for him. How can I do this? signed: Haven't got a clue?
Answer:
The best thing you can do to learn more about domination is read up on it. There are a variety of books to get you started and they are very helpful in establishing roles, negotiating rules and limits and talking about safety. The Sexually Dominant Woman, Screw the Roses, Send Me The Thorns, Sex Tips From a Dominatrix, and The Loving Dominant are all books that will help you get started. You may also want to read When Someone You Love is Kinky if you are questioning your own wants and feelings around domination and submission.
If you and your husband want to move on past this there are books on specific topics such as rope bondage, flogging, slavery and even how to make your own props from household items. You could hire a professional dominatrix to help you learn some skills and help find out what your husband wants and what you are comfortable doing also. You could go to a fetish night to watch other people play and see what turns you on. You could read erotica, such as Macho Sluts or any of Laura Antoniou's Marketplace series or Anne Rice's Beauty series to get some ideas about what turns each of you on.
Good For Her also holds workshops on SM related topics, including the Art of Feminine Dominance (not offered in every season, but if it's not in the current calendar, look for it next season). Remember to communicate as you go and establish boundaries to ensure the neither of you ends up in an undesirable situation.
"Packing" a Dildo
Question:
I would like to "pack". The current strap-on that I have for sex is not really conducive to wearing under clothes (i.e. too big and bulky). Is there a special kind of tool for packing?
— Butch
Answer:
Dear Butch:
Your question comes at a great time. Aslan Leather, which makes the majority of our great quality harnesses, just came out with a new item called the "Pac Sac". It's great because there is a nice leather pouch, lined on the inside, that can contain a dick very naturally and comfortably under clothes (or on its own)! The harness part itself is very similar to the new jock style "Man Panty", with elastic and soft leather, except that you cannot "play" with it.
If you also want to "play", the "Man Panty" in jock style or G-string style has long been a packing favourite. These styles of harnesses are great for packing because they are made of sturdy elastic and leather. They are your best option for offer comfort without bulkiness.
Others like the Soft Jock (sometimes called the Ultra Comfy harness) which is also comfortable for packing as well as playing. But note that your original harness will probably still offer you better control for sex than these others that have more comfort for packing as well.
We are really excited to add some more selection for the Butches, Bois, Genderf@#!ckers, FTMs and Trans men.
Pleasure resources for women
Question:
I am a 20 year old female in search of distinguishing and refining my sexuality. As pleasure resources are limited do you have a catalogue which is geared for the woman in mind without credit card hassle? Also, are there other women's magazines besides Playgirl, and what other options do I have? If any, even Playgirl has men's pornos advertised and it is a slander and infuriating.
— learning
Answer:
Good for you for wanting to distinguish and refine your sexuality!
If you are here, then you probably have already found our extensive online catalogue. Also, we recognize that not everyone has or wishes to use a credit card, so you can also pay by PayPal or money order. You can always verify the correct amount by calling us with your order and we can let you know what your total is. This procedure takes a little longer, but if you are not in a hurry, it works well.
On the porn side, unfortunately there is still not a lot of quality stuff aimed at women out there. Libido was a great publication in print form, and you can now check it out online at Libidomag.com. Nerve is also an interesting magazine online and in print. Both have some male content, but have more images of women. C'mere is also an interesting Canadian webzine featuring hot guys and interesting articles. If you are looking primarily for images of men, you could also try gay male porn - some women like it, although it too is obviously geared towards men. There are some nice art books, such as Male Nudes by Women and Erotic by Nature which have some really nice photos of men. If you care to venture into the video format, then Ecstatic Moments or Eyes of Desire are two good films that a lot of women like.
And if you come across anything else, let us know!
Porn for women?
Question:
I want to know where to look to find pornography that would appeal to me as a (mostly straight) woman; it would be something I want to watch with my partner. A few years ago I read about women making porn that was tasteful and provided a more respectful working environment.
I'd appreciate it if you could give me any info about either of these.
SooAnswer:
Dear Soo,
Really good porn for women is often difficult to find, but Good for Her is dedicated to expanding options, and we have a large selection of videos and DVD's for purchase and rental. Most erotic or educational DVD's run from $40-$70 so it may be to your advantage to rent them.
You have a common desire that is not terribly well filled yet in the industry. Candida Royalle has made some films that many women and couples enjoy. Stud Hunters and Eyes of Desire both get excellent reviews in our store. Another pair of new releases that has been well received are Ecstatic Moments and Urban Friction, made by the folks who produced Libido magazine, which is designed to be intelligent and respectful erotica. There is also a new line of films made with real couples, these are tender, sexy, hot stories of real couples with an interview about their love life interchanged with them having sex. The newest release is Xana and Dax. There are others listed on our website, but I would start with these. I think you (and your partner) would like them. Don't forget to check out our list of annual winners from the Good For Her Feminist Porn Awards - these are considered the best of the best in a number of categories, and we like to think we know good porn!
Sex on top without getting tired
Question:
While a girl is on top of a guy, how can you be good at it and make it feel good without getting too tired from being on top?
— Me
Answer:
Dear Me:
This is a very common question as many women do find it tiring to be on top. Here are a few suggestions. Try placing a pillow or two under your partners' bottom to raise the pelvis up towards you, so you won't have to come down as far. You can also rub up against your partner instead of going up and down constantly; this will provide you with clitoral stimulation and can stimulate the penis as well. You may also want to try it on a couch, with your partner sitting normally and you facing the back of the couch, you can then grab the back of the couch for support. Happy riding!
Shaving your pubic hair
Question:
I would like to entice my partner to shave her pubic hair as it is a great turn-on for me. I also understand that there are a number of potential problems associated with shaving such as ingrown hairs and itching. Could you explain how pubic hair shaving should be done and how best to maintain it so that we can minimize the downsides?
— looking for answers
Answer:
Shaving can be a lot of fun for the shaved individual. Without the hair, the area becomes especially sensitive.
Shaving the pubic hair requires time and patience. The first step is to trim the hair, as much as you can. The area to be shaved should soak in water for approximately 5 minutes; this softens the hair which makes it easier to shave. Lather up the area generously with an unscented shaving cream — "Aveeno" is great and can be found at any drug store. I have also heard that shaving with baby oil is good. Never shave against the grain of the hair but you may shave with it or on a diagonal. Aloe vera is an option, to soothe the area. I am only familiar with the health food variety.
The first few times that one shaves, one usually does experience itching when the hair grows back in but for some reason consistent shavers don't complain of this. Everyone is different but I find that I must allow 48 hours before I shave again or I end up with razor burn. Ingrown hairs usually seem to happen with waxing rather than shaving. I am not sure how to prevent it if it does happen.
One way of enticing your partner to shave her pubic hair is for you to do the same. You can make it erotic and do each other! Have fun!
Vibrators & Pregnancy
Question:
I'm 4 months pregnant. My hubby and I regularly use a vibrator externally. We are wondering if it is safe to use internally as well.
— Sexy Prego
Answer:
Hey Sexy Prego,
Of course your health care professional is the best person to ask about your particular circumstance. Women who are at risk for miscarriage and other complications are not usually recommended to have orgasms later in pregnancy as it might induce labour. I would not thrust too hard with the vibe for internal use, especially if it is a hard vibrator, as it would be painful and potentially not great for the cervix. A midwife I talked to said that a vibrator has the same impact as having intercourse. So unless your health care professional has cautioned you against having sex, I would say go for it!
Vibrators don't work for me!
Question:
I've try several different vibrators, but they all still don't do it for me. What is a good one for a woman that really wants a good one?
Answer:
I am not sure what is missing in your vibrator selection. If power is what you need, then try a Magic Wand or the Acu-Vibe Rechargeable. The Cyberflicker is also good for intensity. Yet these are all clitoral vibrators.
If you want something interesting, try a Rabbit Habit or Rabbit Pearl. Lots of women like it.
If quality is what you're after, then any silicone vibe will do for penetration, or the Magic Wand or Water Dancer for clitoral stimulation. Good Luck.
What's good for playing in the water?
Question:
As a gift for my partner, I've just bought the waterproof book Aqua Erotica for a hideaway weekend with a big tub or a Jacuzzi. To round off the gift, I'd like to buy a sex toy that is fun to play with in the water. Any suggestions?
Answer:
Water can add a lot excitement and be a great way to bring new fantasies into the relationship. We have several products that would enhance your aquatic experience. There are two waterproof vibrators, one in a regular basic vibe length and thickness and also a slimmer version. The Water Dancer is also a great vibe for external (non-penetrative) stimulation with a lot of power.
When in water our natural lubricant just washes away, as do water based lubes. Thankfully there is EROS, a silicone-based lube which sticks around, even in water. Hope these suggestions are helpful in making your wet adventures better.
Your First Vibrator
Question:
I'd like to buy a vibrator, but the choices can be overwhelming. How do I know where to start?
- Lost in Space
Answer:
No single vibrator is the best for everyone. We are all built differently, and just as no one haircut suits all, so it goes for vibrators. There are a couple of basic questions might help you make your vibrator selection.
First, do you orgasm easily? If so, you want one with adjustable speeds so that you can put it on lower speeds. In this case a plug-in vibe would be too much for you as they are generally more powerful. If you do not orgasm easily, then power is likely what you need. Plug-in vibes (such as the Magic Wand or Wahl) are usually a good choice, unless you want something smaller, in which case you might try the Water Dancer, one of the stronger battery-operated vibes.
Next question: Do you want to explore vaginal, clitoral stimulation or both? If you like internal thrusting, then you need something soft against your cervix at the top of your vagina. A lot of people like jelly or latex, but I like to put a condom on them since they are porous and absorb lubricant. Many jelly and latex vibes are poorly made and will last anywhere from 2 months to two years. Silicone vibrators are an ideal choice, as they are well-made, easy to clean and hypo- allergenic.
For shape, if you are starting out and not sure what you like, then I suggest the long and thin (vaginal-shaped) vibes. They allow you to explore all kinds of internal and external types of stimulation so that you can "get to know" yourself and/or a partner (male or female) a bit better. You can place the vibrator against your anus, just please do not put anything without a flared base inside your butt, as it may get lost up there. If you know that you are not interested in penetration, then you might like something like the Fukuoku or Natural Contours vibes which are small and aesthetically pleasing.
If you are comfortable asking other women about what they like, then please do so, but bear in mind that they may have different preferences than you have.
Infection from non-shared dildo?
Question:
I just wanted to know if it's possible to get an infection by using a dildo that is not shared with others. I would also like to know some clues on how I would know if I have an infection.
And if it is possible can it be treated by buying something from the store.
Thanks
Answer:
This is a good question. If you are the only one using the dildo, you can rule out getting a sexually transmitted infection from it but there may be other ways that your genitals can become irritated. Sometimes it can be the material that the toy is made of. If you are using a silicone dildo , these are hypo-allergenic (very few people find this material irritating) and non-porous, meaning that they do not absorb anything and are very safe (silicone is used in medical equipment). If the toy is made out of latex or jelly, which are the most commonly-used materials, you may be experiencing an allergic reaction or simply an irritation to the material. If you are unsure about which material your toy is made out of, sometimes you can tell by the price, as silicone is more expensive and silicone dildos would cost $75-$100 whereas jelly and latex dildos are usually under $50 dollars (vibrators or vibrating dildos cost more). We can also tell you what it is made of if you bring it in to us in a clear plastic bag for us to look at. You could also put a non-latex condom on the toy and see if that makes a difference.
Another possibility is that you may get a bladder infection from the stimulation. A bladder infection is often caused by bacteria being pushed up into the urethra (where you urinate out of). The urethra is very close to the vagina, and so it is usually stimulated during penetration and infections in the urethra can cause painful urination, among other symptoms. >You may also have a yeast infection which would not be from the dildo, but possibly from your diet or from a lubricant that you used. It is usually signified by itching and redness of the genitals and a thick white discharge.
Thirdly, it could be a lubricant or lack of lubricant that is causing an infection. Some women find lubricants irritating- especially ones containing spermicide Nonoxynol-9. It is very harsh- it was designed as a hospital cleaner. Other women react to parabens, a common ingredient in lubricants, or to glycerin, which triggers yeast infections in some women. Try a non -irritating lubricant such as Eros or Hathor. Or if you were not using any lubrication, it may be that your own natural juices are not sufficient to give a slippery comfortable feel to your dildo, and thus might have rubbed you in a way the felt irritating. All you may need is a little lube to make it all fee great.
As I do not know full extent of the symptoms you are experiencing and what you were doing, and as I am not a doctor, take these sugestions as a starting place. It may be best to see your family doctor if your condition persists, or you may prefer to get a diagnosis before trying to experiment again. A doctor can tell you more accurately what may be wrong and what you can do to fix it. If you have further questions based on your doctor's diagnosis, we may be of additional help then.
Tips on using dental dams
Question:
I have never used a dental dam before, and I got a new piercing in my mouth. So my girlfriend and I tried using a dental dam. It did not go too smoothly. Is there a technique or some tips you can give me?
- Queen of the Dammed
Answer:
Dental Dams can be a little tricky and take a some practice getting used to. Even for the more experienced, they are not the easiest things to use and may inspire some giggles. Here are a few tips: -make sure the there is lube present on the dam or on the lucky receiver -place the dam over the vulva/genitals of the person who is going to get licked-it helps if the receiver can use one hand to hold the top of the dam near the pubic hair line -use your fingers to get the dam into all of the folds and creases of her vulva -use one hand to hold down the bottom on the dam -use a large-sized dam- we have some Dams here for $1.25 (wildberry and vanilla). -lick away
There are a couple of erotic videos that I found helpful when learning these tricks. You can rent them at Good For Her: Well Sexy Woman, She's Safe, Safe is Desire. G-Marks the Spot is also good- it is has a good scene of two women using dams Have fun!
Smart Balls Vaginal Exercisers
Question:
I just bought the smart balls. When I use them, they won't stay in. Do you have any idea what I might be doing wrong?
Answer:
Hello,
Thank you for contacting us!
Sorry to hear you are having some difficulty with the Smart Balls (SB). I don't believe you are doing anything wrong, it may be more a case of getting used to them. There are several possibilities as to why they won't stay in.
1) One of the main benefits of the balls is that they encourage you to exercise your Pubococcygeus (PC) Muscles. Most of us have underused, weak PC muscles so when they are called upon to engage and hold something such as the Smart Balls in the vagina they are not strong enough to hold it in.
You may want to try testing muscle strength but inserting 2-3 fingers just into the first 1-2" of the vagina and squeezing your muscles. If you feel some pressure then your muscles are somewhat toned, if there is not pressure against your fingers with 3 fingers inside then there is not enough muscle development to hold them in.
You could alternatively have tense muscles - if you insert 1-2 fingers and you feel pressure or tightness without even squeezing, your muscles may be too tense. In either case, practice inserting your fingers one at a time and squeezing against them, 10 repetitions three times a day for a few weeks. And then you may find that you can insert the SB comfortably and they will stay in.
2) Some women find it easier to insert the SB when they are a little aroused. When we are not aroused our vagina's are rather "short" and the cervix is not too far from the opening, making less space for SB (which is why penetration may be uncomfortable /painful if a women is not adequately turned on). If you stimulate yourself (or have someone stimulate you),either clitorally, vaginally, etc. your vagina actually gets longer - the uterus dips back and the cervix tilts up and the vagina has more space and thus feels "longer".
3) The balls may be too large for you. Some women have longer vaginas than others. After checking out your muscles and trying suggestion #1&2, you can try inserting only one ball rather than the two. This may be more comfortable and successful for you. Of course, this does not work if you wish to wear them out, but for exercising your muscles while at home it can work really well. Alternatively, if the one ball is still uncomfortable you may want to try something smaller for vaginal exercise, such as the Magnetic balls or weight eggs. These don't have the same fun, jiggling factor as the SB but would give you something to practice holding in for muscle tone.
I hope that this has been helpful, if you have other questions or concerns please contact us.
Good Luck!